Category Archives: Love

Our love story

When I started to date with my significance other, I told him ” Be prepared to witness my tears. I like to cry. Shedding tears makes me feel better. It doesn’t mean I am always depressed. I am just emotional and I like to let my emotions flow”. He said ” Its ok. When you cry, I will hold you and I will let you cry as much as you want and I will make you feel better”.

But I have been dating him for four months and he rarely see me cry as there is no reason to cry with him around. He makes me feel happy.  He has seen not only happy Hninn, but crazy and wild Hninn, grumpy Hninn and angry Hninn, he still stands firmly on the ground that he loves being with me.  For the readers who don’t know us, I am  a woman from South East Asian and my boyfriend is a Scottish guy from Glasgow. We met magically in Isle of Man, Europe last year and we fell in love madly.  There is a saying that inter racial relationship is a hard work, but not for us. It’s mainly because he bends a lot to meet my requirement and expectation. All my friends know I love romance, I love all the beautiful love stories and I expect my love story as good as stories from the movies or chick lit stories. Well, my love story exceed my expectation. I have never been happier than this.

I grew up in the environment where women always sacrifice for relationship. They cook, clean , bring up children and support husband emotionally. I grew up watching women cook for guests or families and wash dishes after the meals. I didn’t think I would be different. I live in the hospital accommodation and my boyfriend regularly visits me. After awhile, I notice he takes a lot of time in the toilet, I was wondering why. Occasionally, I could hear him breathing fast as if he was doing exercise. And after his every visit, I notice my toilet become whiter. Finally, I found out he cleans up the toilet after he uses it. I was quite shocked. I realized he just wants to help me as he knows I like cleanliness a lot. There are times I invite him for meals whenever I try to cook ( I am a bad cook and just start learning how to cook ). He would come over and always volunteer to clean dishes after meals. One day, he held me and told me ” I am not as thorough as you in cleaning. But I promise I will always clean and do laundry for you”. I said ” aww, that’s sweet darling”.  He suddenly said ” but can you share with me in ironing. I hate ironing”.

We were only a month dating and after a few days, he told me ” Hninn, I have never seen anybody who is as good as you , who has so much of positive attitude. You love people and you trust them even though you have been hurt like me. How can you do that?”. He said he is very cynical but now he has more faith in humanity because of me. Every time, when he holds, me, he kiss my forehead and said ” I am not letting you go. Now you are stuck with me”. I don’t know whether it’s because he knows my anxiety or he just wants to reassure me, there is not a single day past without telling me how much he loves me. One thing is both of us love walking in the glen and costal areas, so we walk down the streams and hills  during weekends. We love to sit down at the bench, hold the hands and kiss in the middle of the forests. There is a saying that British guys do not like showing affection in public. No, certainly not for his case. I am a very affectionate person even I was born in Asian family. My dad loves to kiss me and holds me in public until I become very adult. I am a big daddy girl until now. So I don’t feel ashamed to hold him or kiss him in public. One time, we were queuing to pay the bills at Tesco and I was behind him, holding his waist from behind. One sweet old lady looked at us , smiled and said ” This is the new way of keeping yourself warm, isn’t it?”. Even though it’s not common to display public affection, a lot of people here are happy for us.

One time, we were walking on the promenade, sea front road . The wind was blowing very harsh and I couldn’t zip up my heavy coat as my hands were frozen and the zip was stuck. He sat down and tried to zip me up ( literally ) and the bus driver stopped for us. It was quite embarrassing as the people on the bus were looking at us. He said ‘ if the people are not happy with us, it’s their problem and not ours” 😛

When I was doing oncall, I was dead tired in the beginning. I was working as a consultant in Myanmar and reducing back to middle grade level doctor was difficult for me as I was not working night duty for four years.  The first day when he saw me half asleep on the bed, it made him worried. When he called me , I was not able to respond as I was very sleepy and still in a daze. He drove down to my flat immediately and saw me literally tired and in a bad shape, lying on the bed. He ran towards me and held me ” what happened to you?”. He is not a doctor and he has never seen doctors shattered after 12 hours oncall. It was a new thing for him . At first, I was not aware how worried he was. I realized I needed to reassure him and otherwise he sounded he was going to call an ambulance. So I got up slowly and told him nothing was wrong with me and I was just tired. HE said ” then , can I lie down with you and hold you?”, I said ” yes, if you want to “, but I became a bit uncomfortable as my bed was very small. He then told me ” may be you cannot sleep well because of me around, I am going to the sofa and will wait for you until you wake up” He waited for me six hours to wake up so that he can see me and have a dinner with me.

Sometimes, I am worried about him because it seemed like he focus all his time on me. Sometimes he told me ” I have nothing to give you more because I have given you everything I have especially my time”. Even when he goes for his favorite thing like football, he still comes to me after hours of playing. He is  usually sweaty , hungry after football games and sometimes ask me to cook him a quick meal like noodle or just a plain tea which I usually oblige. There is not a day past without talking to each other or visit each other. His friends usually tease him ” where are you going? is it booty call? ” etc. His friends are so macho and wild and he has no intention to introduce me to them. I said One day, I must show up to their football games and must teach them manners. He said they are just winding him up.

We love cuddles. It’s always nice to cuddle someone. When I am with him, I feel content, happy and secured. I never see him looking at other girls when we are in public places. Sometimes, I ask him to look at pretty girls as they are so gorgeous. He said may be , I am not totally straight and he is happy if I want to try the hidden or suppressed part of me. We discussed a lot of things together, including religion, faith,  sex, life in general. We are very different in many things yet understand a lot about each other.  He is an atheist, but he never feels annoyed by my faith in God.  I have  many mood swings and it confuses him a lot. In one day, i can be too happy, too sad, too upset or too excited. This is my trait and I cannot change myself. At first, he tries to capture why i am feeling that way , but later realize this is the way I am. He is very simple man, doesn’t need a lot, he says things what he wants and he always says the truth.

There are a lot of things we are not in common. For example, i don’t feel ashamed to break wind or to talk about poo . May be it’s because I am a doctor and I have dealt with shit in many ways . For him, he was quite shocked I discussed about someone bowel habit frankly.  He came to me one day, with rumbling tummy. He was not well and wanted to go to toilet, but yet nothing happened and he stayed in toilet quite several minutes. Suddenly, I heard noises and I shouted at him ” Congratulations” which made him crimson . He said ” Hnin, you are so bad. why are you shouting?” with a giggle. He is just so cute.  He then started to call me us ” unfiltered Hnin” as I can say things suddenly without any filter.

One day, I was tired after three days 12 hour oncall, he called me and said ” can you pack the overnight bag. I am coming to your place” , then he drove me to the hotel with most beautiful stunning sea view. Although he doesn’t earn as much as me, he is never reluctant to spend for my happiness.  HE then said ” let’s go to the restaurant which you might like ” and we both tried the best sushi in Isle of Man. He doesn’t know how to use chopsticks and I taught him, but I failed, but who cares, he pierced the sushi with chopstick instead of clumping them. Then we have amazing night, just talking to each other and holding.  When I woke up, I saw his smiling face, holding the cutest Winnie the pooh toy. I didn’t even know where he got the toy.  He then impersonated Pooh voice and said ” hey, good morning Hnin”. By the way, he  is very good at impersonating . He can do Tiger voice and he is just so funny.

When I gets so tired, he gives me shoulder massage and rub my back with baby oil. Then I sleep better. In return, I always tries to massage his feet.  He has never had massage and he doesn’t even know how to do it until he met me. But he likes me to lay my head on the sofa and put my feet on his lap so that he can rub until my muscles become relaxed. At first, I was not comfortable him holding my feet as in my culture, we need to respect guys and should not touch them with feet. When I explained the concept of females inferior to male , he got so annoyed.

He is a very shy guy and usually doesn’t talk much, but with me, he is like a chatter box. he talks a lot of stuff especially football and astronomy which I rarely interested. But when he talks these things, his deep blue eyes lit up and he becomes a child again. And I really love my guy turning into an excited teenager, with wide blue eyes, fixated on the video about astronomy. He has a child like wonder and he takes things around him very graciously.

One day, He was driving and I was sitting in his car. I told him I feel tiredness quite easily nowadays when I do medical oncall . He asked me ” why don’t you do training here to become a consultant then?”. I said ” I can’t do training in Isle of Man and I need to go overseas”. He was silent for a few minutes and he suddenly said ” if you want to move to another place in uk, I am going to follow you and will support you”. I was choked with emotion and I blinked my eyelashes so that my tears would not fall. I know how much he loves his parents , his niece, nephew and his sister. They are everything to him and he has been living in Isle of Man for 15 years. He has a decent job which pays him well. But suddenly he decided he will change his career to elsewhere for me. So I cried because I was touched.

He is not handsome, yet he is the best good looking man for me.

I find his heart full of love everyday, he makes sure I know that I am loved everyday.

What a girl can ask more?

I am very lucky that I have met him. Love has changed both of us.

We are now two less lonely people in the world. We are happier, more content and we believe we will overcome all our problems together.

love quote 2

 

Thank you for reading.

 

Hninn

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Little joys he brought to my life

I always think of writing dating stories, because these are very interesting and I love ” falling in love”. In fact, I focused too much on falling in love rather than maintaining that love.  I know how Burmese hate cheesy stories, they will laugh when someone above thirty  says ” I am in love” . They might laugh you behind as if you were feisty.

In fact, my favorite people in the world are people who encourage others to be in love. So this is the story to encourage people like me who have absolute faith in power of love.

I came to an island in Europe last year to work as a middle grade doctor. It was hard especially because of weather. I came in the winter time, and I was devastated to be in  a place which is always wet, gloomy and cold. I only lived in South East Asia with temperature above 25C before.  When I arrived, the weather was not really bad in late September, so I walked near my work place . I was also thinking may be I need friends to make my mood elevated. Unfortunately, most junior doctors at hospital  want to drink till late night during weekends and I cannot go along with them as I need sleep most of the time.

Then I thought of opening my dating profile and decided to date again after three years without dating with anybody. ( well, I was quite surprised that I was asked out by a few guys from London instantly, and in Asia, I was not that popular though ). When he asked me out whether we can go out for a cup of tea, I agreed it instantly. It was mainly because I was lonely and miserable. It was only two weeks after I arrived in Isle of Man. I was pretty nervous and really wrecked my brain what to wear. But when I saw him for the first time, I was surprised, he was wearing very casual clothes .He behaved like he dint’ pay attention to me. He walked so fast , in front of me and made me so breathless, he didn’t even open the car door and restaurant door. And I was too nervous and I couldn’t concentrate much on his conversation. Mind you, I was not used to his accent in the beginning. We talked for about 1. 5 hours and he drove me back.  When he didn’t call me again , I thought may be he is not that into me. We dated TEN DATES without touching each other. It was really a mile stone in my life. Finally, I consoled myself may be he just wants to comfort me as he is a nice person. He spent for me and took me to nice restaurants. I was not even earning anything as I didn’t have bank account. So he treated me most of the time.

I asked my European friend ” do guys from island invite girls just for friendship?” and she said ” no, Hnin, unless they really like you”. That day, he followed me into my house, suddenly, he held my hand and put it on his beard. Sincerely, I had never touched any guy with beard as my dad and brother don’t have beard and I had never dated any man with beard before. Instantly, I felt connection to him since that moment. We looked into each other eyes and I didn’t know how to behave. So I put my face into his chest and tried to calm myself down as I was shy and nervous. He patted my back so tenderly and kissed my forehead. Later, he told me he respect Asian culture and he himself felt shy to touch me or to tell me his feelings. But he decided he had to make a fast move otherwise he would never have guts to tell his feelings. He also thought a lot what would he do if I decide to go back. He noticed me as someone who is quite impulsive and might suddenly leave the place. In the end,  he said ” can I date you as a girlfriend? I will date you as long as you wana date me even if it is six months”. He melt my heart and I felt his feelings so deeply.

He sends me simple , but meaningful messages everyday. These messages give me encouragement to go on with life in my new place. There are times I thought he might get fed up with my whining, but he was not, he was patient and said he would look forward to see Happy Hnin when my mood was terrible. And he told me that I can be completely myself with him and that’s what I am most of the time. Sometimes, I told him how much I miss Malaysia and how I cried when someone made me upset at work. There are the moments my heart beat so fast when I saw him standing at my door step after his work just to give me some moral support and some cuddle.  I told him there are plenty of pretty girls in Isle of Man who are even younger and why did he chose me. He said ” Hnin , you made me impressed with your smile, I fell in love with you because of your smile and whenever you smile genuinely, you make me fall in love with you all over again”. He said he became a better person because of me, he went through tough times with relationship breakup and became cynical, but he said I am too innocent and accept everybody as if they are. He said he has never trusted anybody like that and he trusts me completely. inspirational-love-quotes-sayings-13

When I shivers in the wind, he makes sure he grips my hands tightly so that I can get warmth from him . If he sees me without any warm clothes, he drags me to nearby store to buy some gloves or warm attire. Weather is terrible, but he drove me everywhere on the island including beaches where we could watch wild life like otters and birds. We sat side by side, watching mountains and trees. He can read my face like a book and instantly knows whether I am happy or sad. One day he told me I can cry as much as I want and if I cry, he will just hold me and cuddle me.He will not tell me to stop crying.

We have watched movies together, went to the best restaurants on the island and watched the sun rise together. Yesterday, he held me so tenderly and asked me ” can I live with your forever, I wish we can be together forever” and I said ” yes”.

That does not mean we are going to marry. But I want to spend the rest of my life with him. We are just so happy together right now.

 

Hninn

To “Lucky ” with love

I was very blue on  Valentine because I did not get any flower. I know, I know, I shouldn’t be upset for those wishy washy thing. But the thing is someone I really like greeted me ” Happy Valentine, love you Hnin ” and he also said ” If I were there, I would give you some flowers”. I wanted to say ” Hello, you don’t need to be here to give me flowers. The floral service can do that for you at any time and yes, it does not even need to be an expensive bouquet. A flower will do . Sigh! So I became sour and started to cry ( I know I shouldn’t ). well, Men…… I hope he will not read this,, usually he only read my blog when I send him the link.

So when he was earnestly talking to me, I ended the conversation because I was upset for not getting the flower. That reminds me of the following quote.

woman quote

If someone asks me why I particularly like the man I mentioned, he is very kind to animals. He genuinely loves animals and will rescue any animals in distress. One time, he called me and we were having good conversation. Then he said ” Hnin, please excuse me, I must go to my neighbour’s house and look into the problems of the cat.”. I said ” which cat?”. He said ” My neighbour’s cat has been crying non stop for past 20 minutes. I think he might be in trouble. His owners are not inside the house.His voice sounds he is in trouble. I want to help him” and then , he disappeared. hahaha. One time, he found out a small dog who was getting lost in the street. The dog was thin and malnourished . So the guy I really like picked up the dog and brought him to the vet. Then he gave him vaccines and named him as ” Chaska” meaning stars. Chaska has been perfectly happy and healthy since he was adopted.

I like guys who are kind to animals and kids because that mean they are genuinely kind. Well, I even think one day, I want to own a farm with lots of animals and vegetable plants. But I never think I am responsible or committed enough to own a pet. I have been always busy, always alone, always outside or always have things to do. If I don’t play the music, I write, I read, I go to beach and I paint to add to the full time job.( I am now writing this article at 2 am and that shows how I love writing) By the way, I remember there is a rehab program for drug addicts and alcoholics regarding relationship. To make good relationship, an ex addict has to buy a plant first, if the plant survive, he can go next step which is owning a pet, then if he is responsible enough to own a pet, he can start relationship. I can say myself as ” FAIL ”  in the beginning itself because I bought the plants and all of them are being taken care by a neighbor now.

But I want to own a pet, because my friend would describe me or introduce me like ” this is Hnin , she is so independent , she has everything, EXCEPT  PET……” Damn ! Seriously, I thought of having lots of pets ranging from ” Guinea pig” to  ” Monkey”, but in the end, I just think of my vacations and I don’t have heart to make my pets as psychos just because they are so lonely and there is nobody who can talk to them. Bear in mind, when they become psychos, they might probably bite everything and anything inside my house. I have even read in the newspaper that nine Dobermans ( which were left by the owner for ten days without food)  ate the owner when he returned back from the trip. In the end, there was only remnants of him ( the head ) in the living room, discovered by the police. Believe me, it could be me if I had 9 dogs. For that reason, I gave up the idea of having a pet.

One week ago, I went to the wet market with Ma Win. We found a few chickens tied in the basket. The owner wanted to sell them as the fresh meat . Basically, if we order any chicken,, they will weigh it and then kill it for us to eat. The most surprising thing is all chickens look healthy but none of them were giving any noise. Usually, I am very much used to hearing the chickens cluck and cackle noisily in the basket. But they were not like any other chicken. May be they fear any chicken who make noise will be killed as priority. We can see similarity in human beings, whoever vocal can be terminated or demoted soon.  Exactly, these chicken were way much smarter than me because I am the one who would voice out for any injustice in the world. Sadly, I could only see despair in their eyes and its like they had already made up their mind to accept their destiny.

Being a curious person, I looked carefully at each and every  chicken. I found out one of them looks much younger than others. She is a young female chicken ( I just found out in the dictionary that she can be called as a pullet which means she is not ready to lay the egg yet). I decided to buy her  because she seemed like she would survive anything in life. I asked my maid whether she is ok to look after the chicken as I don’t want to give any burden to her. TO my surprise, she was very happy . It is because being a busy person, I cannot talk to her all the time. When I come back home, I am usually too exhausted to have human interaction as 90% of my energy being used up at work or with driving. So, having a third party or a pet at home was very promising for her.

I asked the owner whether she can put her in a cardboard box and we brought her back home. I named her “lucky “because that means she is lucky enough to escape from being inside the curry pot. Alternatively, I believe she would bring much luck to our life.

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Lucky at my house near the cloth liner.

She was limp and weak all the time in the car and as soon as we released her , she started to peck everything in front of her. It was amazing to know she still had so much of energy . Ma Win gave her some rice and she eagerly ate all of them. We had a big issue of where to keep her as I live in a terraced house and I don’t have a big yard . The only place I had is a concrete place in front of my house which is beside my parking place. So we tied one of her legs to a plastic string and allowed her to roam inside the front yard. She was very happy, but quite irritated with the plastic string and she tried to release it with her beak. I found her quite intelligent. We gave her some water and food. The problem was she tried to eat some of my plants and shit everywhere. I never thought a small chicken can shit that amount. Her shit was everywhere. My neighbour was concerned because we also lined our clothes in the same place and Lucky found the cloth liner quite comfy to make her bedroom. She flied there and sat elegantly on the liner.

It was the first day of Chinese New Year and I was invited by my landlord to participate in their celebration. After a few hours, I felt like going back home. It was a good thing that I went back because I found Lucky in critical condition. To make you understand, she was tied with a long string which is ten feet in length. I don’t know what happened before. I saw Lucky with the string attached and she was upside down as if she was hanged. The only thing which saved her was because the string was long enough and her head was touching the ground while one of her leg was in the air tied to the string. The string was wrapped several times around the pole. There was no sound from her. Her eyes were scary as if she was dead. She was immobile. I thought she was dead. The only thing I felt for the first time I saw her in hanging position  was guilt. How did  I let her die like that although I was supposed to save her life? She might even die in a better way in poultry seller’s hand. I called her name repeatedly, stroking her. There was no sound, but she twitched a bit . So I ran inside the house and brought back a scissors and cut the string. She fell down limply. It was dark in my patio and unfortunately, the lights could not switch on at that particular time. So I went back and brought the emergency light near her. I found out she had cerebral concussion. May be she hit her head with the floor and her leg which was tied to the string was severely cramped because it was in an  awkward position for a long time. What I did is I tried to massage her leg and I stroked her head. After a few minutes of massage, she stood up and as usual, pecked the floor. I said ” Oh MY GOd, Lucky, you just recovered and the first thing you want to do is eating”. And I laughed. I was so happy because it was my first resuscitation for the chicken and it was successful.

Later, we had to think how to put her safely without any string attached and at the same time, not polluting our cloth liner and not destroying the plants. My landlord said I can send Lucky to his house as he rears some chicken himself. But later, we found out my landlord’s roasters are quite aggressive and they might kill Lucky. So we finally borrowed my landlord’s cage and we put Lucky inside the cage. The cage was around 2 feet wide and one feet high which is not spacious enough for her. Lucky was frustrated and as usual, she was always in her own shit as the cage was small and we couldn’t clean the cage many times a day. The smell was everywhere and it finally made me decide to release her somewhere.

It was a lengthy decision between me and Ma Win where is the most suitable place for her.  We don’t want to release her into a place where a lot of people can find her and kill her. We don’t want to release her into a deep forest because she is too young and cannot defend herself  from wild animals. We have a lot of monkeys everywhere but I tried to tell Ma Win that most probably monkeys will not harm her. I try to convince myself that wild Boars are also harmless to Lucky as they usually eat only dead fish and insects. ( I relate everything to Pumbaa from Lion King )

pumbaa

We brought her to the forest near the beach because that forest is not so near to beach and also has plenty of grass and young plants to eat. Lucky can also go to beach at night or early morning to find dead fish. She can make friends with birds. The only thing is she will not find her soul mate there ( my bad! I am going to carry this karma to next life for not buying a pair and only one chicken ) as there is no wild chicken in that forest unless she falls in love with doves and they will have beautiful offsprings.

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the beach is opposite the forest
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flowers at forest
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forest from far.

There was so much difference when we tried to tie her to keep her in the same box we brought her from the market. When we bought her from the wet market, she was completely quiet. Today, she made a lot of noises most probably out of anxiety. She had a lot of strength and resistance  most probably because of continuous feeding. But I also think she knew anyway she was going to be out of our house. When I drove the car across the hump, she clucked as if she was saying ” hey, slow down, you have a chicken in your car”. I said ” sorry, Lucky”. Then we took her out to the forest.

The forest has lots of plants and beautiful flowers. I can’t imagine how to describe the emotions of Lucky. She was very excited. She vigorously pecked the soil and tried to discover the area she had never been before. I tried to stroke her. Usually she likes to be stroked. You might not believe how much we have tamed her within a few days, even less than a week. She was curious about everything.

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I bet Lucky can eat those young leaves
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Lucky will peck at everything and anything, she swallows everything, quite dangerous

 

The hardest part is she tried to follow us everywhere we go. At first we went south, she followed us, giving a lot of sounds like ” hey, women, don’t leave me alone”. When we went north, she also followed us. It was like we were playing hide and seek with Lucky.

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I will follow you, follow you

 

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Finally we allowed her to explore some deep part of forest and we ran away. After a few minutes, we heard a lot of cluck and cackle from her and we ran back to her to see what happened to her. Lucky found out some insects and she was just excited. I found her peacefully sitting on the ground and she was completely at ease.

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The last photo of Lucky, there was some ants and she cried because of them

 

We said ” Good Bye” to her and headed back home. On the way back, I was thinking Lucky was just a child or may be a teenager. Would she be scared when thunder and rain comes? Would she run away when wild boars come? Would she survive?

One thing  I am sure is she  have at least felt the freedom during her short life span. Lucky is lucky indeed.

freedom