On valentine day, I am thinking about love. Since I was young, I have a strong faith in love. I believe a lot of people have done enormous effort in life because of love. For example, parents tried hard to find money for the sake of their children. Millions of people migrated overseas as they want their children to have better life than they have. A lot of scientists and doctors have discovered break throughs inventions and medications as their love for mankind is strong.
Recently I ended my 3 years relationship, but surprisingly, I am still holding my faith in love. And I believe I still love him and want him to become the best of what he can. I also believe that I have become so insecured in the relationship and I had no choice, but to leave the unhappy relationship. I do not believe love makes people suffer. I believe we make ourselves suffer because we fall for the people based on the way they make us feel. When we can adopt selfless love, we can either make our sufferings less or we can control our sufferings.
So I listened to the talk of Buddhist monk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIxNgdbAaMk. If you have not listened to him, I think you should because Ajah Braham has given me a lot of insight which I could not grip before.
In his lecture, he talked about a story around the time of Buddha and this is part of what he said.
Something is fundamental for love. And you might have already got understanding about love with a great suffering and distress.
From Buddhists perspective, what is this thing called love?
Some people think love is only something to do with romance. Historically , romantic love originate from 15th century .They created the culture of romantic love. Before that, there was no romance and it was just cave men culture .
However, romantic love should be investigated as it is celebrated in our culture . We don’t know why there is so much of suffering in that. Falls in love, what really is you fall for what that person is making you feel. You develop the sense of self worth. When love happens, you can trace the chemistry between people when they first fell for each other . After sometime, they cannot trace it anymore. It is good understanding where does it come from.
Around Buddha time, there was a queen and king. King was well loved by the queen. On one fine day, Queen was looking out from the window of the palace , she was wearing a big smile on her face. At that time, the queen was looking out towards Buddha who was walking together with other monks. Then The king saw her and he started to think may be the queen loves Buddha more than me. The king asked the queen “ who do you love more? Buddha or me?”. She said I love myself more than both of you. That is not the King expected and he was quite fascinated with the answer.
The King then went to Buddha and told about that. The Buddha said you have a wise wife.
From Ajahn Braham perspective, he could challenge the King why he had to be unhappy when he saw someone he loved was smiling. Instead of questioning her, he should be happy that his wife was happy.
Why this thing happened, life has so much of attachment and ownership.
Many of relationships are like that. A lot of relationships are like “ I will help you and love you as long as you are mine “. That kind of love is possessive and that is not very noble kind of love. It is common and makes a lot of problem. In this life, Buddha said we do not have a lot of possession and we only have our loved ones very very short time and sooner or later, we all have to be separated. That is eternal truth and nobody can deny it. That is something we all know. The much more wise and deeper kind of love is loving someone despite if they are not with you anymore. When you love someone, you love for him when that person is happy. It is kind of love when you have a child . I gave you my life, I want you to be happy. If you want to go out , you can go out. If you want to enjoy, you can. Selfless love is no string attached. It is detached love.
Another thing Ajahn Brahm said is forgiving and loving yourself despite all the mistakes you have done. You can repeatedly tell yourself ” I know I have done mistakes. I know I should not have done that. But in spite of all the things I have done, I have now determined to forgive myself and love myself “.
What I understand about paragraph is Buddhism is not encouraging people to make mistakes repeatedly and self medicated oneself to forgive. It is more than that. Buddha attitude is not dwelling on the past, not dwelling on the suffering and focusing on the present.
It is so difficult for me to focus on the present, but right now, I am writing this article and I am telling myself ” Hnin, you need to write this article . It’s because this is what you love doing. You love writing. You need to love yourself first and you need to look after yourself first “.
After this, I will go back to my room, lie down and will listen to the peaceful music. I hope you will have some peace , if not love, on this day. Happy Valentine Day.